Dream Log Archive

Category: Stressful

  • January 17, 2025

    (ireland arrival / palace vision / crowded japan transit)

    I land in Ireland, not Dublin, and meet up with Dad and Sister. They say they’re going to the hotel to drop off their things and then wander around. I remind them that I came last minute and still need to find a hotel. Dad wonders if I’ll be okay, and I tell him it shouldn’t be an issue, though I worry about Baobao.

    I look up nearby hotels on an app. While I’m searching, we sit outside on large stone steps and look around. In front of us is a large park, and on the other side of the park is an old hospital. Around the park are old European buildings. To the left is a road going up a hill.

    Dad points out that under one of the building steps on the hill there is a statue of Woody and Jessie and what look like their parents, huddled together and holding up the landing. They are half buried. He says the hill had to be re-landscaped because it was slowly eroding, and when they did that it covered the bottom of the statue. A lot of people were upset because they had to reconstruct their houses to match the new level of the road. He also points out a painted sign on the building next to us. He says it reads “war makes money” in Latin and shows a man holding a gun against a red warfront background. It faces the old hospital and signifies people’s anger at wars the government participated in.

    The building whose steps we’re sitting on is a palace. Inside, we go up a spiral staircase to an exhibit room displaying dishware, including an entire wall of tea sets. The tea sets aren’t the thin fine china I expect. Either the family wasn’t wealthy enough to own fine china, or it hadn’t become popular yet. The cups are bulky and dyed primarily one color, sometimes with gold around the rim or a second color inside.

    I see a vision of the ladies of the court having tea when the king comes in to see his queen. They seem to have a good relationship, and he appears to love her very much. She has white hair, possibly a wig or dye though she’s young, curled around her head with a small curl down the back. He has orangey-brown hair stacked high like a beehive. He consults her about information she gave him that was confirmed true, and she tells him what to do next.

    In a cutaway scene, her father speaks with someone about her gift. She has foresight, or has come back in time, and can tell the future. Her father listened to her and gained a great deal. Then she asked him to send her to marry the king. Shortly after, a call went out among the aristocracy that the king was looking for a wife. She passed every test smoothly and became queen. Now she is expecting her second child and seems to anticipate future trouble that she is trying to prevent.

    Back on vacation, I’m in a museum. It has many separate dark rooms with yellow lights illuminating artifacts that look Western in origin, possibly Greek or Roman. Between rooms is a hallway that occasionally passes doors opening to a courtyard. It almost feels like a movie theater. Someone, maybe a group, comes to tell me we’re moving to another location.

    Still on vacation, I’m now in Japan. I’m in a suburb of Yokohama, and it’s extremely crowded around the train station. I try to stay with my group, but we get separated. They shout that I should just keep going and get off at the last station. I look at the train map and see that one end in a direction is Gifu, which doesn’t feel right, so I choose the other direction. It’s crowded down the stairs and onto the platform, and I’m carried along with the flow of people.

    In a new town, I stop for lunch with a friend, possibly UK Friend K or High School Friend L. I like the place but don’t feel very hungry, so I order something light. She orders a large portion of spicy shrimp tempura and a side salad with full slices of cucumber and carrot, and she eats almost none of it.

    I try to help two elementary schoolers pay at a touchscreen machine, but one insists on pressing the buttons herself and, because she can’t quite reach, selects the wrong dish. They’re on a sponsored trip and need receipts for reimbursement, but the dish she chose costs 300 yen more than what she bought. I try to change it, but the system won’t allow it. I ask the staff, but she says she can’t change it either.

    The child explains why she needs the receipt, and the staff seems conflicted because the transaction is already recorded in the system. I think privately that it’s a flawed system. I notice an elderly woman behind the counter working the machine and assume this can’t be the first time someone has entered their order incorrectly.

  • September 22, 2024

    (racetrack event / waiting for pickup / suspension explanation)

    I’m at the My Company racetrack in Hometown, near the library parking lot, for an event. Sister and Sister’s Husband go home, and I stay for a while before calling to get picked up.

    As I leave, HS Chinese Teacher’s son from my school trip to China comes to pick me up. We cross the street toward the Belfry, and he runs down toward the park to get his car. I move closer to the racetrack parking lot so he doesn’t have to come as far.

    He gets stuck in a line trying to get his car out. I end up waiting in a different line where people are getting rental cars. Near the back of a large group, people are dressed vaguely as Mario and Luigi. I pass by a pair talking about using a AAA card to rent. Apparently the card will be wrapped by the service. The rentals are only for use around the racetrack and have to be returned if you go farther. This is meant to prevent pollution by keeping the cars within the same climate area.

    I’m near a group with a dad and a girl dressed as Mario, a man dressed loosely as Luigi, and another man in a black hoodie. The man in the hoodie is confused about the racetrack and keeps talking about suspension. He jokes that they must be proud of creating a little ball, clearly not understanding what suspension is.

    I interrupt and try to explain. I say that suspension involves the front forks and rear cushions, using springs and oil. The man tries to cut in, but I keep going. I explain that the oil has a property where its mass doesn’t change when compressed, and when it’s forced through a small hole, it resists compression and maintains its volume, which reduces how much you feel bumps.

  • September 15, 2024

    (drag queen battle / flight in NH / late to flight)

    I’m in a big city in an abandoned dance studio, trying to find something left there. There are drag queens with a condition where they have to freeze in a pose, and they can only be released under a specific condition. If the condition is too strict, they die, like gargoyles.

    I find Eureka and Kennedy and others. We’re also fighting against evil drag queens and corrupted security systems. I had originally been brought here by spirits—a giant whale mother and a red dragon puppet. I had just gained the ability to communicate with them when the whale asked for help here, and I was flown in through the sky.

    The whale disrupted the security, so we have to deal with that as well. I find a room with a computer system that explains what’s going on.

    I learn that RuPaul used to do interviews here in the early days, possibly early seasons of Drag Race. I see Bendela, Shangela, and others. The interviews take place in an underground room with steel beams overhead, like a construction area. Nearby, they also performed dances. In one scene, performers are getting ready with makeup. Blair complains about not being good at it and having to practice a lot. Ru points out that she applied blush too far on one cheek and says she’ll show her how to do it properly later.

    I get separated from the others on the way out and get attacked by an enemy drag queen. I shout “Catwoman” to signal who it is. Dax ExclamationPoint arrives in a mercenary uniform with knives everywhere and saves me.

    Later, I’m talking with Sister about flights. I’m going back separately. They’re going to Boston, and I’m going to a town called something like Ridelplaz on the Massachusetts–New Hampshire border. John Oliver is also going there, joking about when he’ll ever get another chance to visit a place with such a similar name to his.

    He has a layover there. It’s a very small town. He films the mountains and says that a woman in the park below is really playing music loudly, and the sound carries into his video.

    Heading back toward the village, I pass through a carved rock formation where I can see the sun setting on one side and the moon rising on the other. I take a video as I walk through. The moon is also reflected over a pond in the center of the village.

    I rush back to the airport. Another man is rushing too, and we’re on the same flight. He checks the status and slows down, saying we’ve missed it. I say it’s scheduled for 7:22, so we still have time, but he argues that boarding has already started. I tell him that if we arrive during boarding and have assigned seats, we can still get on.

    We run with our luggage. The airport is surprisingly large. He meets up with his dad and stops at the bathroom, while I continue running with another girl we met inside the airport.

    We reach gate 10-3 and line up for the elevator. At the front, I see the man and his dad have made it there after stopping. The elevator pauses partway, and we worry, but I feel confident that since so many people in the elevator are going to the same flight, they’ll wait for us.

  • September 10, 2024

    (interactive mystery event / swimmer travel / shower rescue)

    I put on an event at what looks like a converted house or old barn. Inside, it feels like a colonial-era space with rustic wood and varied furniture. It’s set up for people to have drinks and watch a show.

    The hostess, a shorter woman with a cropped blue pixie cut, has seats reserved for her family and friends. They aren’t seated near each other—her family in one area, her friends in another—and she sits with a table of guests. Everyone is chattering excitedly. The show is highly recommended, but we ask participants not to talk about the content with anyone who hasn’t attended, to keep the mystery. They only know that it’s interactive. The lights dim and the show starts with a projection.

    The video shows a colonial town. A witch lives in a cottage outside of town and is being pestered by townspeople for being a witch. They point to parts of her attire as clearly witchy. She refutes them and they eventually leave, but as they go she remarks on how they knew about all that, since she is actually a witch and those are things witches use.

    The first audience segment is introduced. An audience member walks around the tables while a recorded dialogue explains her character, an old woman from town, and her perspective. The show is a mystery adventure where all participants are characters who use clues and their positions in the story to reach a conclusion.

    There is a knocked-over tunnel near the witch’s house, like a TARDIS. A middle-aged man in a brown suit wanders too close and gets sucked into another time. When the others find him, they look through the tunnel and see him walking on a beach. Someone asks if time moves differently on each side, since it really is him, and even though he’s been missing for days, it hasn’t been long for him.

    HS Classmate C is at the event and brags about a Halloween comedy show she put on as a child, saying it was like this one. She did two shows a day for four days leading up to Halloween and charged three dollars per person. She considers it a proud success, even though her parents had to advertise to fill the room. I think to myself that it’s not comparable to this proper, adult, paid event that is sold out in advance.

    Olympic swimmer Mirco Rembrant, or something like that, swims at the same place Friend A and I do. We’re coming back from a meet and end up on the same flight as him. He’s alone in first class and we’re in the back. It takes him an hour to get from his last Instagram location to our pool for his publicized practice. He gets picked up in a racecar from the airport while Friend A and I walk.

    As we walk, we complain about how stuck up he is and how the public doesn’t even know. The team sends a car so he doesn’t waste time. On a map, it looks like we traveled from somewhere in Southeast Asia to the Middle East near India on a thirty-minute flight. He only adds another thirty minutes for local transport, while we wait much longer because of commercial flying rules.

    We pass the main pool, where spectators are crowded around and he’s showboating again. At the member entrance, we’re blocked. They try to stop us, but we push through since we’re part of the team. They say they’re blocking his fans and that it will be harder to stop them if they see other women entering. It doesn’t make sense to us.

    Friend A wants to shower. At first I plan to wait, but the locker room gets crowded and people are searching for his locker room. I don’t want to be left alone, so I go in with her. The girls’ showers are separate but still part of the same larger room the boys use.

    Friend A takes the end shower near the doors on the second row in. I take the one next to her. I still have shorts and a white T-shirt on when I turn on the shower and wash. Friend A offers to tell me stories about what she’s been doing in the past months we haven’t seen each other, so I sit on the floor and listen.

    I notice the curtain next to me is lifted slightly. At first I worry about peeking, but then I realize the man there is a swim member and he looks unconscious. I crawl over and check his wrist through the opening. Just then, the stall is opened by fans chasing Mirco. They accuse me of being lewd, even though the man is unconscious. I try to explain, but they don’t listen.

    The others look at me in disgust. I refuse to let him drown because no one else seems to recognize how serious it is. I keep holding him up and checking his vitals. Eventually Friend A comes to disperse the situation and help me.

  • July 7, 2024

    (tokyo meetup / driver’s license / tv show over dinner)

    I live in Japan, somewhere somewhat rural but still close to Tokyo. Friend K is visiting Japan, and since I have some days off, I decide to meet her in Tokyo.

    We meet up and spend time together. It was recently my birthday, and I had posted online asking people to message me. Akira had messaged asking if I wanted to meet at “dept Machada.” I’m unsure if that means a tea shop in a department store or if it’s a typo for Machida in Tokyo, and I briefly wonder if he’s following my updates too closely.

    In the early afternoon, Friend K and I talk about what to do next. I mention something my host family has for me that I never picked up. Friend K feels responsible and offers to go get it. She has a train pass, so it won’t cost much.

    There’s a special express train leaving soon, so we go to the station and she takes it. I wait with her for about twenty minutes, then stay behind to catch a regular train into Tokyo. We plan to meet again later.

    As I’m on the train, I realize I didn’t think the timing through. We both left around 3:30 or 4:00pm, which doesn’t give her enough time to go to my host family and come back. I also realize I never told my host family she was coming, and she’s going to Sapporo, not Kushiro. I scroll through my LINE messages trying to find Okaa-san, but there are lots of recent messages from people I don’t know well, along with ads from businesses, especially home goods.

    I arrive at a building that looks very American, with an entrance like a dentist office. There’s a front parking lot reserved for certain people. A friend parks there, and when I ask why, she says it’s because her small truck doesn’t fit in the regular parking spaces.

    I think about getting my license. Instead of retaking a test, I go to reception and they reprint it for me based on past data. There’s another window that looks like it can print passports too. I answer a few simple questions, and they print my card, and now I can drive.

    There’s a car outside that I can take, though I realize I don’t actually have permission to park there. I take it out anyway and drive around the streets for a bit. Dad is also there at the building when I get my license.

    I’m at a very fancy house, possibly In-laws’. I talk with someone about a show I’ve been watching and put on the first episode while I make dinner—pasta and salad.

    The show is about a girl who is treated very badly by her family. Her brother and sister treat her like a dog, and the father is cold and doesn’t stop them. At some point, the father brings her for experiments. The siblings realize what they were doing isn’t just a game but actually harmful.

    The sister tries to stand up for her but has no power against the father. He forces the daughter to watch the experiments even when she refuses to help him call the girl over. He drags them both instead.

    The girl understands vaguely that the siblings are trying to help, but she’s powerless, and the way she’s been treated has become ingrained in her. She behaves like a dog even as she’s strapped to a table for experiments, while the sister is tied up nearby and forced to watch.

    The house itself is bright and grand, with a pool in the garden and grass and flowers everywhere.

  • March 5, 2024

    (Soccer field event / missed turns / rerouting)

    I am at an event at a soccer field in Lexington with drag queens and my parents. Shea Couleé and Monét are there. I talk with them because I like them, but eventually I go home without exchanging contact information.

    On the way home, I notice we’re heading down the road toward Friend A’s house, so I ask if we can pick her and Friend J up to hang out. Dad agrees, and I enter Friend A’s address into the GPS on my phone, but we’ve just missed the left turn to her house.

    The GPS reroutes us through a long, winding forest path. After one last long U-turn to the right, we come back out onto the street with the turnoff. We miss her street again. I dread having to go all the way around once more, but Dad starts heading that way.

    Mom suggests that instead of inviting Friend A and Friend J over, I should see if Shea is interested. I tell her I don’t have a way to contact her, but Mom says she got that information from her parents.

    I feel a little annoyed that she’s trying to make friends for me, but I’m also happy that I can contact Shea when I didn’t think I would be able to.

  • July 17, 2021

    (house with medical past / naked embarrassment / ghost pursuit)

    Sister and Sister’s Husband move into a house. It’s fully furnished from the previous family, including a medical area where their daughter used to live. She had a condition where her hands could never fully dry out, so her bed is surrounded by shallow tubs of water with toys to keep sensation in her fingers. There’s also hospital equipment like IVs. She could only see friends occasionally, on good days.

    At one point, there’s a gathering. The adults sit at the dining table, and the “kids” sit at the kitchen bar. I sit between a fair-haired girl and a dark-haired girl. I start talking to the fair-haired girl as if I recognize her, but when she turns, I realize I don’t know her. The dark-haired girl talks to me like we already know each other, but I can’t remember meeting her. It’s awkward until she mentions an online friend I had, and I realize I’ve never met her in person before.

    Later, I’m inexplicably naked in the house. I need to get to my room for clothes, but Sisters Husband is walking around. I avoid him by heading into a bathroom off the living room and close the door just as he comes into view, though it catches slightly on the rug.

    Sister’s Friends B and I arrive by bus. I see Sister, Sister’s Husband, and Sister’s Dog going out to greet them, so I run through the house to get dressed properly.

    At some point, I become the dark-haired girl, who lives near the house.

    A friend drags me to a church. We were supposed to perform a sealing ritual for a ghost, but this is something different and urgent, like we’re being hunted. Instead of sealing it, she unseals the ghost by swiping a bronze token so its name becomes visible. A hole opens in the altar, and she throws me down into it before escaping through a passage to the right.

    A man named Ilya chases in after me.

    I try to hide, but the ghost has also been released into the basement, and I keep running into her. She wears white rags and is emaciated, her bones visible through grey skin. Her long black hair is tangled and oily, and her face looks partially mummified.

    I eventually find my way up and run toward the sea. Ilya and the ghost are both chasing me. I manage to fly briefly over the water, but then I fall into a rift.

    The rift leads to a spirit world—an endless sandy desert. Above me, the rift opens and closes repeatedly, showing the ocean just out of reach. I try to fly back up but can’t. I walk along the desert, searching for another exit, and eventually reach a shoreline. I try stacking stones to climb out, but they won’t stay stacked.

    Just as I’m about to give up, the ghost appears behind me, and Ilya pulls me back through the rift onto the shore. Even though he was chasing me before, he doesn’t want the ghost to be free.

    As we escape over rooftops back toward the church, he asks what happened. I realize then that my friend intentionally unsealed the ghost.

    I show him the items I have to reseal her: a bronze oval pendant, a pair of her earrings, and a small silver token—one for each of us. He urgently tells me to store them somewhere that locks, because that’s how she’s tracking me. I’ve just been carrying them in a small folding box that closes but doesn’t lock.

    I try to find something secure, but the ghost catches up again and we have to keep moving. We decide to return to the church so Ilya can help reseal her.

    I worry about my friend, but Ilya reassures me that the ghost is following me because I have all the tokens, not her.

  • May 14, 2020

    (bus stop detour / portrait & pursuit / ciel’s standoff)

    I’m on a bus heading home, but I need to stop at a convenience store for a drink, so I get off a bit early near the center of town. The rest of my classmates say goodbye, but then get off at the next stop and walk through town. They wave when they see me, but I keep walking like I have somewhere to be.

    I pass the town information center and reach a bridge where parade preparations are happening. In the river below, a group of giant turtles spins in formation. On the bridge and along the shore, a Shinsengumi squad practices swordplay.

    I continue to a small museum for handicrafts and ceramics. Everything is written in English, even though the setting is clearly in Japan. I go into a workshop and end up being the last visitor of the day.

    Right before me is a Chinese or Taiwanese girl with short brown hair, Xue Tsun. She has a watercolor portrait done, then draws her own picture of herself and me, the next person in line. When it’s my turn, I only get the portrait. I like her drawing and ask for a copy, but I’m told I’ll have to get it directly from her.

    I run out to catch up with her and find her just before the bridge. She’s being harassed by a man. I step in and fight him off, and he turns out to be her boyfriend.

    I walk down a nearby street to a mansion that belongs to Ciel Phantomhive. He has been dealing with difficult negotiations with someone trying to take what’s his. He suspects they might try again, but still invites them in, confident he can win.

    As they arrive, he realizes something is wrong. He hears his own voice coming from the door and understands that they may be creating copies of him each time to replace him.

    He runs and locks himself in the bathroom, nervously turning his ring. The opponent has the advantage—they only need to destroy, while he has too many things to protect: his claim to the ring, his estate, possibly Lizzie (Elizabeth Midford).

    He knows he has to think quickly, because if he shows any weakness, it will be over almost immediately.

  • April 22, 2020

    (bus rides / support group / sex event escape)

    I’m being transported along with others on a set of buses—several yellow school buses and one small nine-seat shuttle. I’m on the shuttle, which is completely full, while the other buses are less crowded.

    On the way there, I sit near the front, but on the return trip I sit in the back. At one point on the return, I’m the only passenger left, and I chat with the driver as we pass Neighbor J’s house.

    I’m in Hometown Center, working at a company on the third floor of my high school’s math building. The job feels boring, maybe something like accounting, and my desk space is small.

    HS Friend A works at a McDonald’s nearby. I stop by with a friend during lunch and try to get her to come with us, but she says she can’t because her boss would fire her if he found out. We still talk briefly outside.

    I go to a small studio for a group conversation. We sit in a circle of chairs and talk—it feels like a support group setting, but not centered on any specific issue.

    A boy shares a memory from childhood where he tried to look openly at gay things, but his mother redirected him, telling him that “normal” people looked at cute fuzzy animal characters when they liked things like that. He grows up to become a major voice in furry forums, with his mother continuing to help him hide things from his father.

    Later, there’s a nighttime event on the floor of my high school science building. People are bringing in pairs for some kind of tribal-like hate-sex. The first pair is two drag queens, who are also sex workers. I don’t stay till the end, leaving a bit early to head back to work.

    When I go back toward work, the bosses are in a meeting and have taken over the office space, forcing everyone else into the hallway. I decide to leave instead.

    Downstairs, I find Language School Classmate A, who is a popular child actress. She asks where we are, and I realize she is supposed to be next in the hate-sex show but hasn’t been told about the event.

    I decide to protect her and take her home. We manage to get out of the high school building before we start being chased. I pick her up to run faster, but my limbs feel slow and uncoordinated. I end up pushing myself forward using both my arms and legs, almost crawling, trying to get her to safety.

  • April 14, 2020

    (beach search / dog facility / different childhood)

    I’m walking along a beach with my family, looking for something, though I don’t know exactly where it is. We pass a taxi area and continue to another stretch of beach, but that’s not right either.

    Eventually, we come to a white glass building and go inside. It looks like a chemistry lab at first, but there are dogs everywhere—it’s more like a dog hotel or grooming center. There’s only one woman taking care of them.

    Near the entrance are four small dogs: a fluffy white one wearing a headscarf, a blonde dachshund, a jumpy dog, and what seems to be the woman’s own dog, maybe a chihuahua with partially dreaded fur.

    Behind a high table with stools where we sit, there are more dogs, including a golden-brown retriever that loves attention.I try to take pictures with all of them. They’re friendly, though some are shy.

    Later, I’m in a restaurant talking about different ways my life might have gone if I’d been born into different circumstances.

    Then I wake up as a small child.

    Murasaki comes in with her daughter. I’m supposed to know Russian, but I only have my current memories. I make an excuse to go practice and escape into the garden, then head out into the street.

    Some kids make fun of my hair color. An older white man approaches and gives me a bad feeling. I try to leave and tell him we don’t look alike. He pulls my hair angrily, but I manage to slip away and run into another house.

    Inside, it feels like a community gathering space. Another girl finds me and pulls me into a crawl space so we can move around without being seen.

    We end up at an outdoor Korean cultural museum. There’s a theater building, exhibit spaces, and alley-like streets lined with restaurants. We look for somewhere to eat but don’t settle on anything there.

    Instead, we leave and go to a building in front of the museum and decide to have Indian food. We pay up front and each order a dish. I get a kind of dumpling set—seven pieces in a batch.